Thursday, March 4, 2010

One year...



Hello All,


It’s hard to believe that this Saturday the 6th will be the one year anniversary of the passing of our precious baby boy. It seems like yesterday while it also seems like so long ago. Although the pain has eased it still burns in my heart. Every day, every run and every quiet moment he is on my mind. Why did he have to go so soon? Cody could have done so much with his life. Why did he have to suffer so? In his short life he suffered more than most people who live 10 times longer. If there is a heaven, what is Cody doing right now? I hope he can see us. I hope he is proud of me. I wish he would give us a sign. I hope that he communicates with his brother and sister. I hope that he guides them and protects them throughout their lives.

I often get kudos from my friends and co-workers. They tell me that I’m the strongest person they know. Little do they know that I’m probably one of the most fragile people they know. I look at my family and often worry about what I would do if anything happen to one of them. Life events and things that have happened in the past may appear to have made me stronger but in reality they have broken me. Just when I thought that I had it all figured out, I know nothing. I don’t think most people really know how fragile life is. Life as you know it can be snubbed out in the blink of an eye. You work, you plan, you save and lay out the best life plans. It can all be gone in a heartbeat.

Justin and Daniela are starting to know what childhood is supposed to really be about. Since Cody’s passing they are starting to get more involved in school and after school activities. They are both playing basketball at the Boys and Girls Club. We are able to have a bit more structure in their lives. I’m sure they would give it all up if they could have Cody back in their lives. Justin goes to a tutor after school and is getting the best grades that he has ever received. I’m now butting heads with Daniela. She is a very head strong girl. She is very independent but also very insecure. They both have years to make up for. You really don’t know how much your child develops socially in the early years. Just playing with friends and school mates means so much. It teaches them how to interact with others their age. It teaches them what to say and not to say to others. Due to the stress involved in Cody’s battle with cancer, Diane and I both were guilty of not saying or reacting properly in certain situations. Justin and Daniela have payed for that stress. We owe them for so much lost time. While going through such a crisis we just didn’t have it.

This is already turning out to be a tough week. The darkness has already set in over Diane and me. These bad times seem to hit her much more than they do me. Where I get quiet and just want to be alone, she cries and mourns all over again. This one year anniversary will conclude a year of firsts for us. Our first family birthdays, holidays and just old daily life days… Although the day to day pain has eased a little it still hurts more than you could know. More unless you too have lost your child before their time.

Diane and I continue to promote Cody’s Crew and neuroblastoma awareness. She has been doing a wonderful job finding the best people and materials for our Cody’s Crew gear. Right now it isn’t about making a huge profit but getting the word out. We want people from all over to recognize the Cody’s Crew logo. I’m now known as the “flag guy”. I’ve done a couple full and half marathons with the flag and people have told me that they have seen the flag before. While running I get questions and kudos while carrying it. Running a marathon is quite a task. Running a marathon with a flag is even harder. I would carry 10,000 flags if it could bring my Cody back..

I know that it has been a long break since the last post. We have been very busy with our T-shirt sales and the Wine & Art Mixer. Concerning the latter, the Mixer was a complete success. Even with the major snow storms days and weeks leading up to it we had a great event. All those who attended had a wonderful time. Cody’s Crew raised over $1900 with the help of the wonderful artists and our friends and supporters. Thank you all very much.

Up next, our 1st annual Cody’s Crew Golf Tournament. This event will be held on April 29th @ Virginia Oaks Golf Club. You can go to our website for more information.

10 comments:

Grandpa John said...

Hi Mickey...

GJ here remembering and I won't forget. Sorry I haven't been in much contact lately, so I'll just let you know that you and your family are alwways in my prayers.

God Bless

John

Anonymous said...

Mickey and Diane (and Justin and Daniela),
Thinking of you all, and praying for some peace of mind and comfort for you.
Hugs to you all,
Elizabeth

Trish said...

Have been thinking of you guys all week. - Trish

MB said...

We understand. Thinking of and praying for you through this journey.

209Mike said...

My prayers are with you and the family.

kitsmommy said...

I am very sorry for your loss and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Aggie said...

You have all been so heavy on my hearts these past few days, as I think of the baby that we lost and the precious son that you lost on the very same day one year ago. I continue to pray for you all daily.

There is a heaven and Cody is thee right now singing with the angels, completely healed...a perfect place where there is no pain and no tears. Those who love dear Cody are hurting and missing him so much - but Cody is hurting no more. He is healed, he is whole, he is home.

Love and prayers,
Aggie Lawler

Monica Cassier said...

Hey mick...
Saturday was so beautiful out and I thought of you and Diane so much, but moreso of Cody.
Somehow - to me - this day was Cody, his bright spirit all around us reminding us that the dark days of winter are behind us and the warmer temperature and longer days are at our door. I found it fitting that your darkest year didn't conclude on a gloomy day; somehow Cody's spirit kept that from happening. Maybe it was a sign from him, to remind us all of the beauty and joy of simplest of pleasures: the warm sun on our face after a difficult, dark, cold season.
Peace of heart and love to you all...

Babygirl said...

Always in my thoughts and prayers Mickey.....

Anonymous said...

Thought of Cody today and of course you, Diane, Justin and Abby. Hope everyone had a beautiful Easter - with maybe a special egg colored for Cody.

Diane it was great talking with you on Cody's anniversary. It isn't easy.

Hugs to everyone and a special one sent to Cody. Pat (ACCA-NCC)