I had a great day at work today. I stayed busy and that does the job for me. But, I came home to get the kids off of the bus this afternoon and it just hit me. As I was standing at the top of our driveway I just had a heavy feeling of sadness dump over me. I started thinking about Cody and the way he would walk up the hill after he got off of the bus. The other two kids would be bickering but he would have this calmness about him. Maybe he was tired or the work needed to get up the hill just made him not get involved in the annoying argument taking place next to him. For whatever reason it was just Cody.
There was something primal or spiritual to that moment today. It's a beautiful day, sunny but cool and a gentle breeze that makes it perfect. I kinda stuck my nose in the air and took a deep breath. I don't know, maybe I was trying to smell my boy again. I caught myself talking to the breeze and the trees somehow thinking that Cody is out there watching or listening to me. I was kinda hoping that he would talk back to me. Oh how I miss him. This place just isn't the same without him.
Justin is in the other room playing a wrestling video game. It's a game that was a favorite of Cody and Justin. I use to remember hearing Cody say things like "that was a cool move right Justin?" Or "Justin, if we beat this guy do we fight the big boss?" Now all I hear is the sound of Justin working the controller. The volume is turned way down and he isn't saying a word. He is missing Cody as much as anybody. He seems to be trying to stay away as much as possible. He says that there is nothing to do without Cody here.
Cody is everywhere in this house. His clothes, his toys, his drawings or some papers with little Cody sayings written on them. His favorite drinks in the fridge and snacks in the cupboard. All of them bring back memories of him but they can't bring him back. Oh what I would give to get a chance to hold him again. Or, to have him sit on my lap and play the Pirate video game again.
Cody, you know that Mommy, Daddy, Justin and Daniela love you and miss you!!!