Sunday, May 3, 2009

Collecting thoughts...

So here I am, two months removed from losing such a large part of my world. Our lives have not been the same since March 6th. Diane is doing a remarkable job and working through this. The pain is so very fresh for her. Not a day goes by that she isn't constantly reminded of Cody. Songs on the radio, toys around the house, newly discovered Cody hand prints on the door of the bathroom or Sponge Bob playing on the TV. He is everywhere.

Life is moving along at quite a clip. I'm staying busy with Justin and Daniela and all that they are involved in. We are trying to do everything with them that we were not able to do for the past 4 years. They both seem to be adjusting well.

Running has become the vehicle with which we are going to drive the word about Cody's tragic death. I have some great friends that frequent the Runners World Masters Forum who have been praying for Cody for years. Now, they are running with me and raising money for Our next scheduled run is the Vermont 100 on 100. If you would like to donate to my run you can do it on the Donations page of our website.

Yesterday I attended a funeral for my co-worker's son. His son was a US Marine who had served in Iraq and Afghanistan. He had returned to the states and was stationed in San Diego, CA and had been battling depression and other issues before taking his own life. It was such a hard funeral to attend. As all of you know I have something in common with my friend, the fact that we have both lost a child. Something that many of you don't know about me is that I too have lost a brother to suicide. It is one of the hardest things to try and understand. For young people life's issues seem insurmountable at times. They cannot see beyond today. One of the truly difficult parts of this is they do not fully grasp the devastation and destruction that they leave behind. In no way am I trying to say that I know what this young man was going through. He had been places and in situations that I have never been. I just wish he could have received help before it had come to this. I feel for his family. Now they must pick up the pieces. This year has to get better...

This week I must collect my thoughts and come up with some words of wisdom. I was contacted by the Director of the Prince William County Relay-for-Life. He asked if I would be interested in being the Honorary Chair for the Relay that Cody and I have attend and raised money for the last 4 years. Last year we were the top money raisers. As the day gets nearer I question if I will be able to hold it all together. It's one thing to type what you are thinking and feeling but it is completely different to speak it in front of hundreds of people. What do I say? Do I talk about cancer as a whole. Do I just talk about my beloved son? Do I mention that childhood cancers are not being funded properly? I have those questions to answer this week and put it into the right words.

There are 7 days until the close of the Cody's Crew Logo contest. All entries must be in by May 10th. I will post the entries on the website and everyone can vote on them. The winning logo will become the official logo of Cod's Crew Foundation. You still have time to email it to me.

So, that's it for now. I hope you all are doing well and enjoying life.

God Bless!


Anonymous said...

I love you Mickey

Anonymous said...

Mickey, I think the answer to your relay for life questions are yes to all of them. Talk about cancer and the lack of funding, and absolutely talk about Cody, not only to honor his memory but to reinforce the message about your cause.
God Bless,

Anonymous said...

I agree this year has got to get better. It has been a rough year for a lot of people and I hate to see you and them and me hurting like we are.

So look forward and live life fiercely.

As for what to say on Friday. I think as hard as it might be I think it should come from your heart. You have touched us all with your wonderful words here. Let others hear them too.

Susan and Jonathan

Gettin Older said...

If you can, talk about it all. There will be somebody there that needs to hear it.

I hear you on the suicide. In my first month as a Deacon at church, I was on the way home on a Sunday Morning, and I saw a commotion at the home of a church member. The father had shot himself, and I got there right after the ambulance.

I stayed to help clean the room after they got him out of there. His wife was never the same, an his daughter just got married for the third time. Hopefully this one won't be abusive.

There are so many people that are effected by our decisions for better or worse.

You can dump or edit this comment. I just want to let you know that we are out here and still praying for y'all.

Anonymous said...

I have followed your journal for a couple of months now. I don't know if I have written a comment or not, but felt compeled to do so tonight.

The loss of your Cody is one that no parent should ever have to face. I am just thankful that you had God to lean on and with His help you will get through this.

I, too, lost a brother who commited suicide. He thought he was making the world a better place without him in it. He didn't see that he would leave behind anger, frustration, unanswered questions, guilt and helplessness. I was angry for several years until I realized that God didn't want me to be angry at my brother, He wanted me to be at peace with him. So I made peace with my brother and found I then didn't need all the answers.

I know that you can speak at the relay for life and that you can get through it. How do I know??? I was very close to my sister and spent time with her before she died of cancer (age 66). It was during this time that she asked 3 things of me. First, that I would be with her when she dies. Second, I would always keep my home open for her children to visit. I had no problem with these first two requests and was with her when she died. I was the last name she said and the last person she recognized. It was the third request that I felt I couldn't do. She wanted me to write a poem about her and then to read it at her funeral. I knew I could write the poem, but felt I would fall to pieces trying to read it. When I told her this, she said, "but I would do it for you." With God's help I did.

That is how you will do this. Cody would want you to. You are his voice now and you will honor him by being strong and speaking. You may cry, but then that is alright too. It is through crying that our true love shines the brightest. You will also have God helping you as He will always get you through the hardest parts of your life.

Prayers and heart are with you

Ann Stegall
Wake Forest, NC

Alisha said...

I am so sorry for your friend and his family.

I think you should definitely discuss all of those things in your speech. Let it come from your heart, and your passion to find a cure. :)

PS - Make sure you check out the annual Tuesday F. Whitt Blog Party, going on till the 12th! Let's kick pediatric cancer's butt one dollar at a time! Go to

Anonymous said...

Today, May 6 - two months without our little Cody. Just sending you hugs and letting you know that I'm thinking of Cody today - and you guys!

Hugs, Pat (ACCA-NCC)

elizabethnyc said...

Mickey and Diane, thinking of you both a lot. Sending you thoughts for peace and healing.

Hugs to you all...

MangoAK said...

Mickey and Diane- thinking of you often- and checking in here still regularly.

As others have said Mickey- I also know you will do wonderful with your speech and if you are able to type it here afterwards- I know everyone would love to read it.

Thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your family.


Anonymous said...

Just wanted to let you know. Thinking of you all --- everyday.

Susan and Jonathan