Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I just wanted to take a minute....

I wanted to let you know how things are going here. Mother's Day was very hard for us and especially Diane as you might expect. She was down in the dumps for two days. Although I haven't seen her today I did talk to her on the phone and she seems to be doing better.. Certain days and times seem to be hard for me. I can't explain it, I just think of Cody more some days and I miss him so. We still can't believe that he is not in our lives.

I think about what life is all about. I think that we humans believe in God because we just can't explain why things happen or really tough questions. Until Cody got sick I didn't really know what I thought and at times I still don't. I was not brought up in an overly religious environment. On the other hand as long as I've known Diane she has always said her prayers each night before bed. I can't speak for her and what she believes at this point. The loss of Cody has rocked her to her foundation. She has lost a part of herself and may never be the same. She seems to do a little better everyday. As for me, this has given me a purpose in my life. It has given me something to focus on. I hope that my children recognize what I'm doing and that some of it will rub off on them. As far as believing in God or the after life I feel as though I must believe. That is the only way I will see my son again.

I know that some of you may feel the need to write long paragraphs of scripture and that is OK but I'm not looking for reassurance or proof. I'm just releasing some of the pain I'm feeling right now. That was always what this blog has been about.

6 comments:

Cameron said...

I can only imagine how hard Mother's Day was for Diane. I watched your youtube video with tears streaming down my face. Cody no doubt would be so proud of you for fighting for the thing that hurt him the most. I completely understand your comment on religion or a higher power. I believe too, in hopes to meet my loved ones again too and your precious Cody. If I make it there before you someday, I am going to tell him what amazing work you have done in his name. But no doubt, Cody is walking beside you through this journey. You are NEVER alone.

Many prayers,
Mary

Kelli said...

I think every parent who loses a child must feel this way, and it shows good character to be open to believing in something that wasn't instilled in you as a child. You are doing a great thing in Cody's honor in bringing awareness and sharing your thoughts. Others who are walking the same road can especially relate, and because of you are reminded that they're not alone in their struggle and pain.

I hope every day becomes more bearable for you and your family. Wishing you the best and praying that God will be near.

Kelli
ugottafriend.com

Just an ordinary woman said...

I can only imagine how hard Mother's Day was for Diane..

Here is a poem for her.. made me feel a little better..

A Mother’s Day Wish From Heaven

Dear Mr. Hallmark,

I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appear
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought,
every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she’s cried.

I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know
that though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do?

My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way, to remind her of her wondrous worth
She needs to be honored, and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.

Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you’ll do your best
I have done all I can do; to you I’ll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.~

by Jody Seilheimer ~

I think of Cody often.. I thought of him on Mother's Day and some of the other children who have gone before us..to lose a child is something no parent should ever have to experience..

I know Cody is very proud of all that you do in his name.

Thinking of you.. and Diane
Kerren
South Africa

Trish said...

I was raised in a very religious household and I was taught to always question my beliefs and I do daily. You are right that Diane will never be the same, none of you will but the way you are all turning the pain and grief into something that WILL benefit others inspires me.

Anonymous said...

Mother's Day and Father's Day will never be the same - you are still Cody's Mommy and Daddy - there will always be an empty chair at the table - no mater what.

I promise it will get better - maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week - but it will get better.

Perfect presentation at the Relay for Life - Cody was smiling down on "his event" with pride for his Dad!

Hugs to you both, Pat (ACCA-NCC)

Gettin Older said...

Mickey, Faith is an iduvidual decision. And, as induviduals, we are all going to react differently. My faith, like yours has grown stronger over the years. (and for many of the same reasons). I look foward to the day when I can see my folks again and meet that great strong hero of yours.

It is only logiacl that faith born of adversity will be stronger. Dianne will have to re-evaluate her faith in light of the adversity. You may need to carry her as she goes through the process.

Blessing and prayers,m

Kirk