Be careful what you wish for.....

Well we found out today that Cody is not HAMA. And we found out in a big way. I have to think of a way to record this experience so that all of you can get a little understanding of what it is like. This is an absolute HELL!

This day started off at 6:45 a.m. I had to get Cody up so he could take his contrast for the CT scan he was to get at 8 a.m. This was a battle from the start. There is a fine line that must be walked when dealing with Cody. On one hand you have a little boy who wants the littlest bit of control of anything that is going on in his life. On the other hand we must get him to take meds, eat when we think he must, not eat or drink when it interferes with the meds and pre-meds. This by itself is very hard. He gets grumpy from not enough sleep. He gets grumpy from not being able to eat. Then we have the reaction to the drugs themselves. To say that this makes him act like Jekyll and Hyde is the understatement of the year. I can't even begin to quote the things in sequence that came out of his mouth today. On the Cody scale of '0 to 10', 0 being the best. I was the zero Dad in the whole world. Then 30 seconds later I am the 1,000,000,000th. The same goes for his nurse Kasey. She did the very best she could to walk the line of keeping him happy and doing her job. Sorry to say it just couldn't work. The absolute hardest part of this is telling yourself that he cannot control the things he is saying or doing. His body is hurting more than we can imagine so we give him pain meds that make him someone he is not. He says and does hateful things that he just can't control. Kasey says that all the kids have different reactions to these meds. Some fall asleep, some get very quiet and others get angry. Here are a few things that I can remember. When he didn't want Kasey or me to talk he would say, "turn the lights off, zip your lip, and don't make a sound." Meaning, shut your mouth. Believe me, he had no problem telling either of us to "shut up." If Kasey had to go to the room next door Cody would throw a fit. He told Kasey that he didn't love her anymore and he was taking all his kisses and hugs back. He told me that he wanted to go to a new family. This is not new but he said some other things that I just can't write here. I'm not talking about vulgarity but things that no 6 year old child should even think let alone say. I know he is exhausted. He has been crying, shouting or talking nonstop since 10 a.m. His eyes, lips and face are swollen. His voice is raspy and his nose is running. Myself, I have a splitting headache and I'm tired. I entered the day hoping and worrying that he was HAMA. By the end of the day I'm hoping that he didn't hurt much and that the meds will wear off soon.
This whole process is insane. As I type he is finally telling me how much he loves me and that he is sorry for the day... It's not like he had any say in his day....

Thanks for reading...