Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I wish.......

I had some good news to report. Cody's declining health continues to consume our every waking moments. I had a chance to speak with Diane a little while last night. She didn't really want to talk that much and was extremely tired after the day at the hospital. Cody had blood drawn, and had his radiation treatment to his chest while waiting for an opening at ultrasound. His liver numbers continue to climb and the doctors are very concerned. They are meeting with the liver specialists today to discuss his situation. Things are not looking good at all. He continues to turn yellow which at this point is almost tan. If his liver doesn't soon recover the toxins building up in his little body will poison him. His liver is now moving to the forefront of concern because we can't continue treatment of the cancer with the way things are going. He would've started chemo this week if it were not for his liver. Can you see where I'm going with this?

Last night, after Justin and Daniela went to bed I convinced Cody that he needed a bath. His little feet were starting to stink..... LOL He was eager to play with his boats and little guys. I went back out in the living room with Diane and we could hear him talking to himself while he was conquering the high seas with his little guys. We both looked at each other with a sense of helplessness and I said "you see, he just wants to be a little kid." Through all of this hell, that is all he wants. He wants to play games, read books, eat Big Macs and play with Justin and Chris. As I kissed her she asked me if I was praying. I said "yes, but not just for his healing. I'm praying that he doesn't hurt anymore and have to got through this crap anymore." Why does a little child have to go through this? I will never know the answer to that question.

This all seems to be taking a toll on Justin also. In the past year he was given a prescription for stomach issues. He hadn't been taking it for a couple of months but last night I notice an empty pack lying on the kitchen counter. So I went upstairs and asked if he was taking them again and he said "yes." He told me that his stomach has been hurting at night because he is worried about Cody. Over the past few weeks he seems to be getting into a little trouble on the bus and at school. I can't help but think that this is all linked together.

So, as we wait for word about Cyber Knife and Cody continues his radiation treatments. We pray for his liver to wakeup and start doing what livers do. We are also just trying to enjoy every day together, making memories and trying to keep it all together. In my mind I try to think past today and plan for the warm weather and things I would like to do with the kids and Diane. Through the hell of the past 4 years there has been some good that has come from it all. I feel it has made me a better man. I feel it has made me a better father and husband. I feel it has made me a more compassionate person. Life is a very strange journey. It kinda reminds me of some lyrics to the Eagles song "Waiting in the Weeds."


"The phases of the moon
The chambers of the heart
The egg and dart of small gray
Spiders spinning in the dark
In spite of all the times the web is torn apart"


We just keep going. Through all that life dishes out, we just keep doing what we do.

26 comments:

Trish said...

Mickey - I pray for no pain, I pray for all of you, I pray for a cure, I pray for a miracle. I wish I could do more.

trash talk said...

All I can do is pray that all you ask for comes true. God is listening always. Debbie

Anonymous said...

Through my tears I send the complete Johnson family tons of hugs.

Prayers continue directed toward Cody.

Hugs to Cody, Pat (ACCA-NCC)

elizabethnyc said...

Mickey and Diane, I just don't know what to say. I just keep praying for a turnaround for Cody and strength for all of you.

Alan Johnson said...

Big Bro,

We are all praying for all of you especially Cody. Enjoy every minute not only with Cody, but your entire family. Give hugs and kisses to Cody , Justin, Abby and a BIG HUG for you and Diane, we love you all. Stay strong, you are making me a better father, husband and man just reading about your life. I don't know what i would do if I was in this situation. I sure know now who I wood come to for advise. Stay strong big Bro, we love you guys very much.

God is listening, keep praying,

Your Little Bro,

Alan

Monica Cassier said...

Mick, This was a beautiful, and so poingnant. I will continue to pray for your son.
I reached out to a friend of mine. Her husabnd works for Anthem (although he just got laid off) to see if he knew anyone who could help... I'll keep you posted.

Anonymous said...

Mickey--we are thinking of you all all the time. Last night our family watched your wonderful slideshow--it was beautiful and I thank you for putting it together for us. Cherish all your moments with all of you--you all have my deepest admiration and respect.

Kate (feetdon'tfailmenow)

Anonymous said...

All I know to do is Pray. When helpless to act, the best thing to do is Pray. It's in Gods hands anyway, so I keep asking him to please let Cody be a kid and enjoy his life. I know that he will grow up to praise and glorify His name, because he will understand the miracle of His grace.
Prayers of strength and healing!
God Bless,
Bruce

Anna said...

I will pray for your little Cody to Padre Pio. You are right life is strange....my prayers are with you. Anna :)

TiredMamaRunning said...

Mickey, you and Diane are amazing parents and I'm just in awe of how you're dealing with everything, and making every second count for your family. We're all praying for Cody every day as well, but just wanted to say that I admire you guys greatly for how you approach the unthinkable on a daily basis.

More prayers for Cody today, from our family to yours.

Anonymous said...

I wish I had the power to make it all better. Prayers continue for little Cody and the family.
Shirley

Anonymous said...

Bruce speaks for us; well said. Know that God is closer now even though it might not seem that way. We'll keep praying that Cody can be the boy that will grow-up to be the man his father has become. God bless. Stay strong and keep the faith.

MDCN (Mark, Daphne, Cristina, and Nick)

Cameron said...

Mickey,
When I first read this, I had to leave and come back to post. I couldn't see past the tears. My heart hurts so much for all of you. I understand about praying for healing but also praying for comfort. I know God already has his life plan worked out and I pray with all my being that it is to get better, be a kid, and like another writer wrote, grow into the man that you already are. That is what I pray hardest for! I desperately wish there was something that I could do to make this all go away. As your brother said, enjoy each moment with your entire family. Through the hardest times, I think God is carrying us. I KNOW he is carrying all of you!

Love and prayers,
Mary

209Mike said...

Brutal. Prayers are with Cody and the family. If I knew anything else to say I would say it. Keep the faith.

Dottie O said...

Continued prayers for peace and no pain, improved liver numbers and some way to keep the chemo going again,


Dottie

Gettin Older said...

That was beautiful, wonderful, poignant. I am so glad you have that clarity. Prayers for no pain and healing.

Blessings

Kirk

Anonymous said...

Mick, Diane, Justin,Daniella, and Cody...Just want to let you all know our thoughts are with you and a day doesn't go by we don't think about you guys. Know schedules and all make it hard to get together. Please know if there is ANYTHING you guys need, don't hesitate to call. Hope you know we will be more than happy to do anything you may need... John & Cheryl

Anonymous said...

Dude! I think you missed your calling with that video... Might want to consider going into producing... Thoughts are with you guys... Give the kids a big hug for us...
John & Cheryl

Kelly said...

It was SO amazing getting to spend time with Cody yesterday, his smiles and strong spirit continue to amaze me, he is such a warrior! Dianne you are doing an amazing job, you and Mickey are my heroes! I have gotten to see you guys fight for him for years now, you never give up! I can see where Cody gets his strength from! Mickey i am sorry i didn't get to see you, but i LOVE the video!! My thoughts are always with you guys!

Cap'n Ron said...

Hi Mickey,
I just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts. I really wish there was more that I could do to help take away the pain that you all have to bear on account of this horrible monster of a disease.

I am more determined than ever to do what I can to help, in every way possible, rid the world of this monster. It has devastated the lives of too many of those that I have loved most to stand idly by.

Today I cried from the feeling of helplessness.

Keep fighting the good fight and know that a big bunch of love is headed your way from the left coast.

Take care of yourself buddy!

Ron

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing all of this with us Mickey. I am hoping for peace for all of you.

Wendy

Anonymous said...

Mickey, I, like Mary, read this yesterday and was at a loss for words. (Amazing, I know!) I can't imagine having to make the decisions you and Diane have had to make or will need to make. But what I do know is that you and Diane have done an amazing job of sharing with us, comforting all of your family, supporting Cody and making all the the tough decisions needed. Praise to you and Diane for that. So know that when needed you and Diane will once again make the right decision. And know that we are all here for you and the family. Prayers coming your way from us.

Susan and Jonathan

BIG MO said...

Mickey, I'm here but I'm so angry
with the insurance co. that I can't
think straight. You are all on my
mind all day long.So many are waitng for some good news that it has to be plain awful for you and Diane. All I can do is keep on
praying, Squeeze Cody just a little
bit harder for me. LOVE YOU ALL..
MOM

Anonymous said...

Like all here, I continue to pray for a positive turnaround.

DollarBill

Frippery said...

Just praying. Pam

Samantha said...

As a huge Eagles fan, lyrical geniuses that they are... I have found some strength in the words of No More Cloudy Days...

There’s no more stormy nights, no more cloudy days
I believe in second chances
I believe in angels, too


Prayers, continuously.
Sam