Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Years!!!!!

Diane, the kids and I want to wish all of you a very Happy New Year!

Cody had a very good day today. After I wrote last night's blog entry I hit the sack while Cody was sleeping. He woke up last night at midnight and started making grunting sounds. I know Cody well enough that he needed to go pee but was well aware that he went to bed on bad terms so he didn't use his words. I say " bad terms" but you know what I mean. I lifted him up and let him stand in his bed while I held his bed pan and he relieved himself. He started to cry as did I. I told him that I love him and I wasn't angry with him. I told him that I just didn't want him to hurt himself. We just held each other for a minute and then he said that I made popcorn and he wanted some.. :D How awesome is that? That is why kids are so resilient. They live for the moment. I knew that he was not going to sleep all night so I filled a plate of popcorn up and had it ready. I gave him the popcorn and we watched Animal Planet until 1:30 am. I told him that we needed to go to bed so we could wakeup and have a good day. I told him that we needed to eat and be happy. Oh how I love him............. He didn't question me at all. He rolled over and closed his eyes and went to sleep. We slept until about 8 this morning.

As I said before, we had a great day. He nibbled on candy and munchies all day. At 1pm I asked if we could have him unhooked from his IV for a while so we could get out of his room. He had to start a new med at 5pm that was going to go for 12 hours. So we got unhooked and I loaded him in a wagon. We headed up to the Georgetown Soccer field. I ran around the field a few times and we went down to a little man made fish pond. He loves to look at the fish. We have been doing it for years. Anyway, Diane and the kids got to the room about 6pm and we spent a couple of hours together in his room. The kids took turns laying in bed with Cody and we had a pretty good time. We said our goodbyes at 8pm and headed home.

All the way home the kids were asking life related questions. I have come to the realization that Justin and Daniela are very much aware of what is on the line here. Justin even said as we pulled up to the house that if Cody died he would cry for 2 days. I just told him that we didn't want to talk about that. They are both trying so hard to do the right thing. When Cody is angry at them for no reason they are starting to understand that it is not really Cody. This is a living hell. I have gone through years of my life where I didn't cry once. Now it seems like I'm crying daily. There are times when I think that there is something I have done in my life that has brought this on my son. I was such a rotten kid. Karma is a bitch, isn't that what they say? God, if you are listening to me right now, please take care of my son... I feel so helpless right now...

10 comments:

elizabethnyc said...

Mickey and Diane,
I'm so glad Cody had a good day after the last few tough ones, and that Justin and Daniela also were able to spend some quality time hanging out with Cody.

Family time is precious, and we ALL should know to savor every second of it.

And Mickey, the idea that bad karma from a mis-spent youth is coming back to you now, well, just let that thought go - and that's an order! :-) Best to just focus on the task at hand.

Hugs to you all,
ElizabethNYC

Deck Ape said...

Liz,
you are right.. But when there is a few minutes of quiet time, you would be surprised how your mind wonders. I'm as focused as I can be, trust me.. :D Thanks for reading and writing.

Kati said...

Good News! Sounds like a ray of sunshine found the right spot to brighten yesterday.

Everyone wonders if various life struggles are God's punishment, or just happenstance. The truth is we just don't know. We DO know that "it rains on the just and the unjust" and bad things are part of life. The past is history. Focus on today and the small victories that are won. You are a wonderful Dad and blessed with a wonderful wife and children!

Keep the faith!

Monica Cassier said...

Mick.. you and your family are in a living hell, and I wish with all my heart that you didn't have to. And your other children are learning how fragile life is at such an early age. Don't lose heart, Mickey (and Diane!) I can't even begin to imagine how cope so beautifully day to day. I know you may think you don't cope well, but you are both being so strong for your son - for your CHILDREN. I don't know why, but I have so much faith that Cody is going to get better. It doesn't even cross my mind that this treatment won't work! He IS GOING TO GET BETTER.
I know this is one of those times when you feel you are being punished for something you did. You ARE NOT. You are a fine man and you and Diane are WONDERFUL parents. It's not God exacting retribution, it's not bad karma... it is what it is.

Stay strong, Mick and Diane! You are BOTH my heros!!!! I think of you both daily, as well as your kids. Keep the faith. Focus. We are all HERE FOR YOU.

monica

Dottie said...

Happy New Year's to all of you-

Dottie

Gettin Older said...

Mickey,
I'm glad for a good day, and I'm with all the others. Savor every minute of it.

I also agree with Liz, Kati, and Monica. There is absolutely nothing that you did that caused God to take it out on Cody.

The world is imperfect, and we could look to the past forever for blame. I prefer to look up and forward for solutions.

pwoodyj said...

Wow Bro,
I don't know what to say other than hang in there! It feels like we're living worlds apart. Remember, if God is what they say he is, he is a all forgiving and awesome God! He would not purposely afflict a child with a horrible disease because of what you did as a child. He IS going to get better and he WILL beat this damn thing!! It sounds like that you not only hitting the wall but the walls are falling in on you! Stay strong and remember we are all praying for you guys! This New Year will bring great new things.
Luv ya, Shawn

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year to all of you !! Glad Cody got out and about !
Mickey, you and Diane are great, strong and incredibly resilient parents. I am amazed daily by your thoughtfulness and strength during this time.
I'm with Monica. This will all be a memory when Cody is healthy again and moody "just because" !
There is no "bad" karma ! Just prayers and positive thoughts coming your way from so many faces and places !!! g2g

Ann said...

Dear Mick and Diane, My prayers are with you and your family always. Mick, don't blame yourself or your past for what's happening to Cody. I know it's hard to understand why things happen that shouldn't. I've been through a similar experience, but not with a sick child. I think we all wonder sometimes what we've done to deserve bad things that happen to us or our family. Keep the faith! Know that we're all with you in prayer. Ann

Gregory said...

DeckApe,

It's been awhile since I checked in and just got caught up. Man oh man, what to say...words will do no justice. Just know my family over here is continuing to pray for you. Feel heartbroken reading what you are going through! Hang in there DeckApe - Be strong for Cody! He IS going to get better!

Gregory (Pudov)