Happy New Years!!!!!

Diane, the kids and I want to wish all of you a very Happy New Year!

Cody had a very good day today. After I wrote last night's blog entry I hit the sack while Cody was sleeping. He woke up last night at midnight and started making grunting sounds. I know Cody well enough that he needed to go pee but was well aware that he went to bed on bad terms so he didn't use his words. I say " bad terms" but you know what I mean. I lifted him up and let him stand in his bed while I held his bed pan and he relieved himself. He started to cry as did I. I told him that I love him and I wasn't angry with him. I told him that I just didn't want him to hurt himself. We just held each other for a minute and then he said that I made popcorn and he wanted some.. :D How awesome is that? That is why kids are so resilient. They live for the moment. I knew that he was not going to sleep all night so I filled a plate of popcorn up and had it ready. I gave him the popcorn and we watched Animal Planet until 1:30 am. I told him that we needed to go to bed so we could wakeup and have a good day. I told him that we needed to eat and be happy. Oh how I love him............. He didn't question me at all. He rolled over and closed his eyes and went to sleep. We slept until about 8 this morning.

As I said before, we had a great day. He nibbled on candy and munchies all day. At 1pm I asked if we could have him unhooked from his IV for a while so we could get out of his room. He had to start a new med at 5pm that was going to go for 12 hours. So we got unhooked and I loaded him in a wagon. We headed up to the Georgetown Soccer field. I ran around the field a few times and we went down to a little man made fish pond. He loves to look at the fish. We have been doing it for years. Anyway, Diane and the kids got to the room about 6pm and we spent a couple of hours together in his room. The kids took turns laying in bed with Cody and we had a pretty good time. We said our goodbyes at 8pm and headed home.

All the way home the kids were asking life related questions. I have come to the realization that Justin and Daniela are very much aware of what is on the line here. Justin even said as we pulled up to the house that if Cody died he would cry for 2 days. I just told him that we didn't want to talk about that. They are both trying so hard to do the right thing. When Cody is angry at them for no reason they are starting to understand that it is not really Cody. This is a living hell. I have gone through years of my life where I didn't cry once. Now it seems like I'm crying daily. There are times when I think that there is something I have done in my life that has brought this on my son. I was such a rotten kid. Karma is a bitch, isn't that what they say? God, if you are listening to me right now, please take care of my son... I feel so helpless right now...